Mission: Impossible- Calling Birds
by Lily Lindsey-Aubrey
Summary: Part 2. of the Fan Fiction Christmas Countdown project. Based on the film Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. Ethan Hunt and his team must go to an office party to steal some files… but will they have a chance to between awkward situations, silly party games, and someone trying his best to hinder them?


_Author's Note: This is the second part of the Fan Fiction Christmas Countdown project (as I said in the description). It is advised that, if you haven't done so already, you go back and read the previous ones, as this one ties in with them a little bit. You can read all about the project on my profile page, if you like. I'm including in this story a short character list for those who haven't seen this movie. If you haven't, don't worry. It contains no spoilers and I think is easy to understand without having seen the film. _

Ethan Hunt- The leader of the group of spies. He has been on a mission before with these guys, so they all know each other. The last mission was much more involved.

Brandt- The coolest person in the whole film. a.k.a. Hawkeye (acted by the same actor). Doesn't like to jump.

Benji- The second coolest person in the film. He likes technology and the others would never get anywhere without him.

Jane- The macho, punch-em-up girl of the story. Has no romantic attachment to any of the rest of the group, just so you know before hand.

Palaji- OC.

_And one more thing before we start. Here are the replies to the reviews left since last time on Iron Hills: _**OneSizeFitsAll**: Yup, I guess she was good at picking gifts. She knew just what would make everyone happy. ;P **Mareth Ravenlock:** Thank you! Glad you liked it!  
>And the ones left on White Elephant:<br>And the ones left on The True Christmas Spirit: ___**2MFriedmanFreak**: Hahah...yes. Olaf is one of my least favourite characters. Not my LEAST favourite, but almost. *Hans lover fist bumps* He is my all time favourite character...and favourite Disney prince. Yay! Neither can I! But it's coming soon, I promise. #durinsday __**ThurinRanger**: :D:D:D:D You feed my ego too much. Stop it! Oh man, you just became one of my favourite reviewers. (Or you would have, if you weren't already.) Karl was my favourite part too, and I was really, really hoping other people would like it. :D Aww... *hugs* Glad I cheered you up. And Yay! Cause here it is! #durinsday __**MOSO**: You're more than welcome! Wow, just ran against a serious Olaf hater here, didn't I? XD Good news...if you're reading this, she has. :) #durinsday __**Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant**: Wow. What is this with all these Olaf haters? And Hans lovers? I really stumbled into my kind of people, didn't I? :D I'm a proud Hans lover, and, up til now, an undercover Olaf hater. Not so much so any more, I guess... __**Shawn** **Raven**: Hey! Congratulations of being my new reviewer of the day! #durinsdayYeah..."somehow" is right. :P *runs off screaming* Don't kill me, don't kill me, don't kill me! Yeah, I killed your favourite snowman. And I had so much fun... *cackles merrily* #durinsday __**Thalion** **Estel**: Not a big Frozen fan? XD *fist bumps* And STOP feeding my ego! I'm going to swell up so big I'll pop. O.O Yay! I'm glad you liked my favourite part! That was just so much fun to write. One of those ideas that popped out of nowhere and screamed "PICK ME!" Aw...you're welcome! Thanks for making ours awesome by reviewing so regularly! #durinsday __**Silenthunder**: Thank you! I'm so glad. Eheheheh...only then Olaf wouldn't have been made yet... #durinsday __**attheturnofthetide**: Thank you! He is cute, isn't he? :) Well, it's here! #durinsday __**EvenstarWarrior**: Thanks! Ehehehe...spoilers! Just keep reading. :) Um...okay. Think so if you like. :P #durinsday  
><em>_Thank you all so, so much! And happy Middle Earth day! Go. Watch. The. Hobbit! #durinsday_

_Sorry, OneSizeFitsAll is obsessed with Durin's Day right now. It's the big day; is anyone going to go see The Battle of Five Armies?_

**Calling Birds**

_On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me four calling birds. _

'We need to make a plan,' said Ethan to his team. They had finally all arrived: Jane, Benji, and Brandt. The best group in existence for what they had to do.

'Proceed,' said Brandt, leaning back and crossing his arms.

'I've got one,' said Benji. 'I thought we might need it.'

'What is it?'

'Uh, abandon ship.'

'We need to be serious,' said Hunt. 'Here, I'll tell you the situation.'

'Do,' said Jane dryly.

'IMF needs some files from a man by the name of Pajari. He's a Russian living here in America. Owns a business called K-lux. He has papers concerning a certain invention that IMF wants to research; but he doesn't want to sell them. At least not to us. We're afraid he's going to sell it to his country, which could be disastrous.'

'So we go in and take them by force,' Benji finished for him. 'Sounds simple enough.'

'Actually it's not,' said Ethan. 'For one thing, Pajari would just rewrite the plans and sell them to Russia. We can't let that happen. So we have to kidnap him, too. Secondly, they're in his private office which is located at the top of his building. Security cameras twenty-four seven.'

'What do we do?' Brandt asked.

'The only way in is with permission,' Ethan continued. 'And we've got one chance. Christmas is coming up-'

'Speaking of which,' Benji interrupted, 'where's my Christmas bonus? And I hope I'm getting a Christmas break this year instead of how it usually goes...'

'That was _once,_' Ethan protested. 'And it was a long time ago. But as I was saying, Pajari is having a Christmas office party for his workers in that building.'

'I'm way ahead of you,' said Benji excitedly. 'We mug some of the workers, wear masks, go in, get out, and viola! We're done!' He sat back, smiling proudly.

'Uh, somehow I don't think it will be that easy,' said Jane.

'It sounds _too _easy,' said Brandt. 'You hiding something from us, Hunt?'

'Oh, no, I would _never _hide anything from you!' said Ethan, trying (and failing) to look innocent.

Brandt eyed him skeptically. 'Well,' he said suspiciously, 'it sounds worth a try.'

'Right, let's get this show on the road,' said Ethan, relieved. 'We're calling it Operation Calling Birds.' He smiled proudly at how cool it sounded.

'That's so corny,' said Brandt.

'Did you get your man?' Benji whispered loudly.

'Yes,' Ethan hissed back. 'Did you expect me not to? Hey Brandt,' he said into his bluetooth, 'did you hit him?'

'Should I not have?' Brandt whispered, alarmed. 'Because I hit him!'

'What about you, Jane?'

'WHY DID YOU SEND ME AFTER THIS ONE?' screamed Jane's voice from the bluetooth. Ethan cringed.

'What's wrong?' asked Benji nervously. 'Is she a fighter?'

'She's FAT!' Jane moaned. 'I am _so_not going to dress up as a fat woman.'

'Just pretend you went on a diet,' said Ethan reasonably.

'Who goes on a diet five days before Christmas?' Jane mumbled.

'Just get back here,' Ethan ordered impatiently. 'Benji, are the masks ready yet?'

'All but the last one. Mine. Do I have to wear it? It's so ugly...'

'You sound like Jane. Just do it. We'll be late. You, Brandt, are you in costume?'

'Just about… you know, this guy wears the same size as me!'

'Lucky,' said Jane bitterly.

'Ok, if everyone has got their outfits on, head on back to base. 2nd floor, room 545. We'll all meet there and get our masks, then head over to the office.'

'Yay,' said Brandt unhappily. 'I'm sooo excited.'

'No one appreciates your humor,' said Benji.

'Stop,' said Brandt feelingly. 'You'll make me cry.'

'Back to base!' yelled Ethan. 'Hop to it!'

Several minutes later the foursome regrouped in the hotel.

'Masks,' said Benji, passing them around. 'Careful, they're still hot.'

'This is so creepy,' said Brandt, surveying himself in the mirror.

'I'm so much prettier than this lady,' said Jane.

'Everyone ready?' said Ethan. 'Ok, we'll all go get into different taxis, and we don't want to get there all at one time. That's suspicious.'

'Let's go!' said Benji, charging out the door.

'You sure we're at the right place?' asked Brandt.

'Uh, it says K-lux in huge letters on the building,' said Jane witheringly. They had accidentally shown up at the same time, despite Hunt's warning.

'That's not proof,' Brandt said, straightening his collar nervously.

They headed up, Brandt taking the elevator and Jane the stairs, all the way to the top floor.

'Uh, Ethan,' said Benji urgently into his bluetooth, as he was about to enter the door, 'what was my guy's name again?'

'Crowe,' said Ethan.

'That was Brandt,' Benji contradicted.

'Then it was Kaynard,' said Ethan impatiently. 'Now shut up!'

'Welcome, how do you do?' said a man at the door to the office, who was presumably Palaji, beaming and shaking their hands. They had all ended up together my some miscalculation- namely, Jane and Brandt, who had come first, lingered in the hall, while Ethan and Benji, who had come last, had hurried to catch up.

'Uh, hi,' said Benji nervously.

'Act casual,' Ethan whispered, nudging him.

'Why, Saunders, I didn't know you and Kaynard were such friends,' said Palaji. 'How nice.'

'Uh, yeah,' said Ethan, startled. 'Yes we are.'

They hurried past and into the brightly lit room with an artificial Christmas tree in one corner.

'This is awkward,' said Brandt, after they had stood doing nothing for thirty seconds.

'Ok, everyone's here,' said Palaji, clapping his hands. 'Time to start the games!'

'I just remembered,' Benji whispered to Ethan, 'I'm allergic to latex.'

'So what? Oh, the mask...'

'I'll start by explaining them,' Palaji continued. 'The first one is called "Statues". In this game, at certain times during the evening I'll suddenly become stock still, like a statue. When you see me do this, you have to do it, too. Whoever does it last, loses.'

'What's the punishment?' somebody stupid asked.

'You have to sing a karaoke Christmas song,' said Palaji. There was a chorus of groans, the loudest coming from the corner where the four Calling Birds were perched.

'The next game,' Palaji continued, 'starts now. I have here a bunch of names. They are all in pairs: for example, Anthony and Cleopatra; Romeo and Juliet; etc. Each person gets one name stuck on his back, and must find out who he is by asking yes or no questions of other people, and then find his match. Everyone come and get your papers.'

Benji hid behind Ethan.

'Why, Miss Silvia, you've lost weight!' said Palaji, when he came to Jane. 'Did you go on a diet?'

'Yes,' she scowled.

'I have one name left,' said Palaji after he thought he had gotten everyone. 'Who doesn't have one?'

'Benji,' Ethan hissed.

'No,' said Benji. 'I don't need a match. I don't want a match.'

'Get in there! You'll spoil everything!'

'Uh, hi,' said Benji, stepping forward nervously.

'Ah, you, Kaynard. You're usually the most enthusiastic about this sort of thing.' He posted the name on his back. 'Now everyone go find your match! Good luck. Meanwhile, there are refreshments on the table.'

'Refreshments!' yelled Brandt excitedly. Then he blushed.

'Shut up,' said Jane. 'You'll blow our cover.'

'Am I a historical figure?' asked some random person of Ethan.

'You will be,' said Ethan threateningly. Then he remembered himself. 'I mean, uh, turn around, let me see your name.' He motioned frantically for Benji to look for the files.

Benji didn't notice. He was too busy trying to avoid a woman who thought for some strange reason that he was the match of her name.

Jane was getting into the game herself, though she was the only one of the team who was (Brandt was busily snacking at the refreshment table). 'Am I from a movie?' she asked a man who was standing and eating chocolate covered cherries.

'You act?' he asked in surprise. 'I mean, uh, yeah! You look like an actress. Actually, more like a model...'

'Worst pickup line ever,' said Jane, restraining herself with an effort from punching him.

'You asked for it,' Brandt commented from where he was devouring chips.

Ethan finally escaped from the annoying person and was making his way back to his group when he was confused by seeing that everyone was starting to stand still all of a sudden. He looked around, confused.

'Saunders is the loser!' yelled Palaji. 'Yay!'

'This game cheats,' protested Ethan when he realized what had happened. 'It makes it so you can never lose.'

'Yeah, I have to sacrifice myself for everyone else,' said Palaji. 'Now sing us a song.' A karaoke machine was hastily drawn to the centre of the room.

'No!' moaned Ethan. 'I can't!'

'Pick your song and sing it!' ordered Palaji. 'No disobeying your boss.'

Ethan reluctantly looked through the songs and finally decided on Santa Claus is Comin' to Town. Unfortunately he was prepared for the Bing Crosby version, so when the Michael Jackson one started playing he was thrown completely off.

'Santa Claus is Coming,' he groaned. The crowd laughed, throwing him off even more. 'Will you shut up?' he yelled. Meanwhile, the other side of his brain was busily occupied with being angry at his team for not getting on with the job without him; however, since he couldn't convey this telepathically, there was nothing for him to do.

His team. It was in a shambles, or so it seemed. Benji was hiding under the refreshments table; Brandt was still standing beside it, significantly depleting the eatables; Jane was following the man who was her match around because she thought he was cute. And he, he himself, the leader of the team, was stuck singing karaoke in front of a crowd of laughing business people. He groaned again inwardly, while he tried to find his long lost place in the song.

When it was finally over he sidled over to Brandt and whispered in his ear, 'We need to get the files!'

'Uh, duh,' said Brandt carelessly.

Suddenly Ethan had an idea. 'You lose the next game,' he ordered, 'then distract them by singing karaoke. Then I'll go get the files.'

'No way!'

'You have no say in the matter,' said Ethan authoritatively. 'If you don't do as I say I will report you.'

Brandt whimpered, but didn't protest any further.

'Time for another game!' said Palaji, clapping loudly. 'This time we are going to play Bingo. But this Bingo is different.' Ethan rolled his eyes. Palaji was getting on his nerves. 'Each square has a statement in it: for example, "has been to another country". You would have to go around trying to find someone who has been to another country. When you found him, you could fill that square in. Whoever fills in an entire row of squares wins!'

'What does the winner get?' asked another stupid person.

'He gets to sing karaoke in front of everyone!' said Palaji, beaming. Ethan couldn't wait to kidnap him and put him in a nice dark damp cell.

'Hey, Ethan,' said Brandt, nudging him, 'I don't mind losing any more.'

'No, now you have to win,' said Ethan.

'Why do you keep changing your mind?' Brandt complained.

'Now get to it. He's handing out the cards now. I'm going to go find those files.'

'Benji is under the table, by the way, if you need his help,' Brandt told him helpfully, as he went to get his bingo card.

Ethan went to the table and tried to pull Benji out subtly. Benji came out, but the subtle part didn't work so well. Still, they managed to keep from tipping the whole table over, which was lucky.

'Come on,' he told his partner in crime, 'let's get those files.'

'Where exactly are they again?'

'I don't know where _exactly _they are; that's why we're going to _look _for them!' Ethan grabbed Benji by the collar and dragged him into the restroom so that they could plot out their plan.

Meanwhile, Brandt was trying his best to win the bingo game.

'"has fought in a war",' he read aloud. 'Ha! I've done that. Check that off… "has published a book". Now that will be harder...' He went over to Jane, who was still busy chasing the cute guy around, and whispered, 'Have you published a book?'

'That's a worse pick-up line than even that last guy's,' she said.

'You're paranoid. It wasn't supposed to be a pick-up line, Miss Vanity. I want to know so that I can check off this stupid box!'

'I thought you wanted to lose!'

'Will you just tell me if you've published a book!?' Brandt yelled.

'No, stop yelling, I haven't,' said Jane.

'Ugh,' said Brandt. 'Well have you… wait a minute. This is evil! He so cheated!'

'What is it?' Jane asked curiously.

'There's at least one box on each row that is impossible to fill!' Brandt moaned. 'See look. "Has committed murder"; or this: "has shot a man"; or "never brushes his teeth".'

'Well, you can check off "has shot a man,"' said Jane demurely. 'I've done it several times, and so have you.'

'But I don't want them to know that,' said Brandt. 'They'll arrest me!'

'So what?' said Jane. 'Ethan and I will just break you out again.'

'Promise?'

'Cross my heart. Where is he, by the way?'

'I think he's trying to retrieve the files...'

'About time.'

Ethan _was _trying to retrieve the files. But he wasn't getting along very well. He was still waiting for someone to sing karaoke and distract Palaji's attention away from the door which he had to go through to get to the office in which the files were being kept. There would be no trouble getting in, with Benji's high-tech spy gear, but if Palaji was watching while they picked the lock it would be all too obvious to him that someone was after his files.

'What's taking Brandt so long?' he whispered impatiently. 'He should be done by now!'

'Hey look,' said Benji, as he rifled through his equipment inside the bathroom stall where no one could see him, 'I forgot I brought this. "Ultrasonic Life and Movement Detector". And I have a sneezing powder grenade; don't know when we'll need that. Not to mention this Nitrous Oxide mini-bomb.'

'Why do you bring so much junk with you?' Ethan asked. 'I can't even imagine how you fit it all into that brief case...'

'Has he done it yet?' Benji asked, repacking his case and sticking his head out of the door.

'Who, Brandt? No. You'd be able to hear his singing a mile away. Horribly loud and even more horribly off-key.'

'You don't hire your workers for their performing talent, do you? Hey, Ethan, were you a hippie in the seventies?'

'What?' Ethan looked confused.

'Were you ever a hippie? You know, long hair, tie-dye shirts, Patchouli?'

'I'd prefer not to answer. Plead the fifth, and all that, you know,' said Ethan uncomfortably.

'Because,' Benji continued, 'I have all the boxes checked in this row except the one that says "has been a hippie".'

'Let me see,' said Ethan, snatching it from him. '"Speaks more than one language"; you do. "Has never kissed a girl"; you haven't. "Has watched every Doctor Who episode"- have you done that?'

'Yes I have,' said Benji proudly. 'Give it back now. And answer my question: have you or have you not been a hippie?'

'Well, not _exactly,_but sort of...' said Ethan.

'Hmemeheme,' Benji snickered.

'Stop laughing! You do realize that you're going to have to go sing karaoke now, right?'

'I'll survive,' said Benji bravely, and handed his briefcase to Ethan. 'Get Jane to help you get the files, and I'll save the day by heroically distracting the evil enemy-'

'Enough, just do it,' said Ethan, shoving him out the door and towards Palaji.

'I have a row filled in!' said Benji.

'Hey, that's not fair,' Brandt complained. 'Ethan said I could… wait, why did I want to again?'

'Jane, come on, we need to pick the lock,' Ethan whispered.

'Sing us a song,' Palaji ordered Benji. 'Which song shall it be?'

'I dunno,' said Benji, crossing his arms and shrugging. 'You pick.'

Palaji rubbed his hands together and laughed sadistically. 'Alright, then. Sing _All I want for Christmas is You.'_

The audience moaned.

'Um, OK,' said Benji. 'Hit it, karaoke machine! I don't want a lot for Christmas...'

Meanwhile, Ethan and Jane were busily picking the lock with some intricate, confusing looking stuff from Benji's briefcase. Or trying to.

'How does this even work?' Jane asked, holding up something that looked like a metal ice cream cone. 'Are there instructions anywhere around here?'

'Never read instructions,' Ethan advised. 'Just try different things until it works.'

'That's stupid! What if it's a bomb?'

'Why would Benji bring a bomb?... oh that's right… he said he brought some kind of thingy-ma-bob-'

'Quick, the song's almost over!' Jane urged. 'We need to find the instructions before the Russian dude finishes being distracted!'

'Jane, quick, go somewhere else!' said Ethan urgently.

'Well that's nice,' said Jane angrily, putting her hands on her hips. 'Of all the-'

'That guy you were chasing around is coming toward us,' said Ethan. 'Our whole plot will be uncovered! Quick!'

Jane finally comprehended, and jumped up. 'Hi!' she said distractingly. 'You're my partner, right?'

Ethan feverishly inserted a device (that looked enough like a key to hopefully be the right thing) into the keyhole and turned it. The door swung soundlessly open.

Benji was singing away, and, quite honestly, enjoying himself immensely. He had finished his song, but had started singing it over again because he saw that Ethan was still trying to unlock the door.

Brandt was wondering what exactly he was supposed to do. He would have gone and eaten some more but the table was too crowded. He began to wander the room looking uncomfortable.

The song ended just as Ethan shut the door behind him. He was safely (or not-so-safely, as the case may be) in the office where the files were (hopefully) kept. He pulled a flashlight out of the briefcase and switched it on.

Benji stepped away from the karaoke machine and bowed. The crowd cheered. Apparently they liked his performance. He smiled broadly and prepared to bow again, but instead bumped into Brandt.

'They liked it!' he said happily.

'You should be helping Ethan, you know,' Brandt reminded him.

'Jane's helping him,' Benji said defensively. 'And besides, I've helped enough. Time for me to sit back and enjoy the evening.'

'Are you two lazing off, as usual?' Jane asked, walking past.

'Stop moving!' Benji hissed.

'Why should I stop moving?' Jane asked.

'Hahaha!' Palaji laughed sadistically. 'Miss Silvia! You have lost! Now you will sing us a Christmas carol. What'll it be?'

'Nooo!' Jane moaned. She was in an even worse strait than Ethan had been; she couldn't carry tune in a wheelbarrow, much less in a bucket.

'No objections, now,' said Palaji, leading her to the karaoke machine.

Meanwhile Ethan was doing his best to get those bleep files by himself. He was having a lot of trouble. Main reason: he didn't know where to look for them.

He had found himself, once he had gotten through that door, in an office. In it stood a desk, a chair, and about ten file cabinets. Ethan's brow furrowed in thought. Or irritation, as it may have been. Where to look?

He strode to the first cabinet and opened it furtively. Papers. Hundreds of papers. He groaned. He had been groaning an awful lot of late; he didn't think it was healthy.

'I thought you said Jane was helping Ethan,' said Brandt to Benji.

'Well, I thought she was,' said Benji, shrugging.

'Maybe we should go help him out.'

'Maybe we should,' Benji agreed.

Neither of them moved.

'I guess I'll go with "Believe",' Jane said hesitantly. There was another groan from the audience. Groans were singularly prevalent at this party. 'Children sleeping,' she wailed, making a terrible beginning. The audience wailed, too, in sheer horror.

'Why can't I find this bleep file?' Ethan yelled, then covered his mouth quickly. What if someone heard him? That would be bad. He rifled through the dividers until he felt like his fingers would fall off and his eyes would fall out. Then he finally came to a drawer that was locked. 'It must be in here,' he said brilliantly. 'Why didn't I look here first? Now how to open it...'

Jane concluded her song and swept off to find Benji and Brandt. Her face was flushed with agitation.

'You two,' she said hotly, when she had found them (Brandt had found some more chips, and Benji had returned to his comfortable nest below the table). 'You need to get in there and help Ethan. He's all alone, trying to find that file, and he'll never do it without some intelligent help.'

'Which means you'd better get in there,' said Brandt flatteringly. Not that he thought she was intelligent. But he was, and he knew that she'd believe him if he said that.

'Well,' said Jane, her mood clearly improving, 'I suppose you're right. But you have to come, too. And Benji.'

'Why?' the latter asked, poking his head out under the table cloth. 'Don't you think I should stay and make sure Palaji doesn't get suspicious?'

'I suppose you're right,' Jane admitted. 'But we'll need Brandt. He has the best eyes.'

'I see better from a distance,' Brandt protested.

'Come on,' Jane said, dragging him to the door. She glanced furtively around, and then darted in and shut the door behind herself and Brandt.

'Hands up!' cried Ethan, pointing a gun at them. 'Oh, it's you guys. Why do you have to startle me like that?'

'We came to help,' said Jane. 'Have you found it yet?'

'No. But I think it's in this drawer. If I could only get it unlocked...'

'Let me see,' said Brandt, walking to the drawer. He pulled at it.

'Idiot,' said Ethan, bonking him on the head, 'that'll never work. I told you, it's locked.'

'I know,' said Brandt, rubbing his head. 'But I had to make sure, because I never know with you. It might have just been stuck.'

'Brandt, if we didn't have an important job to do, I'd-'

'But we do,' Jane quickly interrupted. 'Where's that unlocking thingymajig that Benji brought?'

'Uh, somewhere in this brief case,' said Ethan.

Benji was under the table, about to fall asleep, when Palaji started talking again.

'Attention everyone,' he said, 'We have a new game. This one is called Opposites. Whenever I tell you to do something, you have to do the exact opposite. Whoever doesn't-'

'Sings karaoke,' said someone in the audience, 'we already know.'

'Yes,' said Palaji. 'Now continue with whatever you were doing before.'

No one continued.

'Aww, didn't trick anyone,' he complained. Benji rolled his eyes and ducked under the table again.

'You knuckleheads,' Jane said, when Bradnt had finally gotten the drawer open. 'That took you fifteen minutes at least.'

'Well, you could have helped,' Ethan said.

'Nope,' she said quickly.

'So hopefully they're somewhere in here,' said Ethan. He pushed the top papers to the side and lifted out the ones underneath. 'Plans for Invention,' he read in awe. 'We did it, guys!'

'Not so fast,' said a voice. The lights blinked on, and the three thieves swung around to see Palaji standing in the doorway, pointing an automatic disconcertingly in the general direction of their hearts.

'Palaji!' said Ethan profoundly.

'The same,' said Palaji, nodding evilly. 'Put those papers down. You can't have them. They're mine; I'm going to sell them to the Russian government and hope that they blow up America by using my brilliant invention.'

'You can't do this, Palaji!' said Ethan. 'You'll endanger millions of-'

'Wait, why would Russia blow us up?' Brandt asked, confused.

'Put the papers down and back away, or I'll shoot you,' Palaji ordered. There was a thump. Palaji fell, making another one, and revealed the figure of Benji, standing with a plate in his hand.

'I couldn't find anything else to knock him out with,' he explained.

'Let's get out of here,' said Ethan.

'But we need to bring Palaji,' said Brandt. 'If the guests see us dragging the body of their employer across the room they might get suspicious.'

'We'll lure him out,' said Ethan, being brilliant as usual. 'See, he's already coming to. We'll go out into the room and he won't be able to shoot us with all the onlookers. Then we leave the party and he'll try to follow us; then as he comes around the corner we knock him on the head, and there you have it!'

'We'd better hurry,' said Jane, grabbing the papers and running out into the brightly lit party room.

'No kidding,' said Brandt, joining her with all speed. Benji and Ethan quickly followed.

'Now we wait for him to come out,' said Ethan.

They didn't have to wait long. Benji wasn't very strong; his blow had only knocked out Palaji for a few minutes. The man, a little dishevelled and not looking very happy, soon emerged from the room they had just vacated, and looked around desperately to find the foursome.

'Ha! There you are!' he said. 'Stay where you are!'

'Do the opposite of what he says,' Benji said urgently.

'Why?' asked Jane. 'That will make everyone suspicious!'

'Just do it!'

They all ran. So did everyone else.

'What is going on?' Ethan asked.

'It's a new game,' Benji explained. 'Everyone does the exact opposite of what he says...'

'What is happening?' yelled Palaji, thoroughly confused. Then he finally remembered. He stood stock still and pretended to be a statue.

'Now what?' Ethan groaned. 'If we don't turn into statues we'll be stuck standing here for fifteen minutes singing karaoke.'

'No problem,' said Brandt. 'He can't move, either. Once he does, we're allowed to move again, so he won't be able to catch us.'

Palaji had just realized the same thing. He growled. 'Everyone move around!' he said.

'Oh no,' said Jane.

They looked desperately around, wondering what to do next. Suddenly Brandt ran to the refreshment table.

'Hey, you!' Palaji shouted. 'You have to do the opposite of what I say!'

'Everyone has to do what he says now,' said Brandt. 'He just told us not to!'

Most of the guests were completely confused by now, including Palaji.

'Don't stop those people!' he said, pointing at the Calling Birds.

There was a mad rush; half of the guests ran to catch them, half of them ran to not catch them.

'This is getting out of hand,' said Ethan.

'Let's go,' said Jane.

'Wait for me!' said Benji.

'Silence everyone!' said Palaji. 'We have one more game: this time it's a raffle.' He was talking hurriedly. He was obviously worried. 'I'm raffling off a mystery present. Whoever doesn't participate in the raffle gets to sing one more karaoke hit!'

Ethan, Brandt, Jane, and Benji moaned simultaneously.

'Do we get to know what's inside?' asked someone.

'No. It's a surprise.'

'Let's get this over with quickly,' said Ethan.

'Yeah,' said Jane.

They ran to the table, scribbled their names quickly and dropped the slips of paper into the box.

'Now, finally, we can get out of here-' Ethan began.

'Now we'll draw the number!' yelled Palaji feverishly, as he saw the four spies heading for the door. He quickly poked his hand into the box and pulled a number out.

'Ha!' he cried jubilantly. 'Ethan Hunt!'

'Who is Ethan Hunt?' asked someone.

'Idiot!' Jane moaned. 'Why did you write your real name?'

'Ethan Hunt, come to the front,' said Palaji. 'By the way, while the raffle is going on, all other games are on hiatus, so no, don't do the opposite of what I say.'

Ethan walked slowly to the front. 'Ethan Hunt is my pen name,' he explained feebly. 'I just got too used to writing it...'

'Very well, Mr. Hunt,' said Palaji evilly. 'Open your present.' He handed him a brightly wrapped box.

Ethan hesitantly pulled off the wrapping. 'What is this thing?' he asked, pulling out a long, poky object.

'It's called an umbrella,' said Palaji dryly.

'But it's got this weird handle,' said Ethan. 'Is it supposed to light up or something?'

'It's a lightsabre umbrella,' said Benji. 'Cool!'

'OK we're done,' said Jane. 'Let's go home.'

'Wait, the party's not over yet,' said Palaji desperately.

'It's getting late,' said Ethan. 'Goodbye, boss.'

They hurried out the door.

'Jane, you still have the plans, don't you?' asked Brandt.

'No, I gave them to Benji,' said Jane.

'What?' said Benji. 'I thought I gave them to you, Brandt.'

'Yeah, and I gave them to Jane,' said Brandt.

'But then I gave them to Benji again,' said Jane.

'And I gave them to Ethan,' said Benji.

'Uh, you did?' Ethan asked.

'Oh, no,' said Brandt.

'And they're sticking out of your pocket,' said Benji, annoyed. 'How do you never remember anything, Ethan?'

'Oh, they are,' said Ethan. 'My memory is terrible, you know that!'

'Here comes Palaji,' Jane whispered. 'Everyone get ready. Benji, you knock him out, I'll hail a taxi, and Brandt and Ethan will drag him to it.'

'I give the orders here,' said Ethan. 'Everyone do what Jane said.'

Palaji walked around the corner with the automatic in his hand. It didn't do him much good, though, because Benji was behind him. He was out cold before he could say 'Noooooooo!'

'Quick,' said Jane. 'The cab is waiting. And I'm going to take off this horrible mask, because it's ugly and the cab driver is hot.'

'Me, too,' said Benji. 'But for different reasons. Mainly because this thing is uncomfortable and hot. And I'm allergic to prosthetics… I probably have a terrible rash...'

Finally, everyone was in the cab and on their way back to IMF headquarters.

'That was one of the most ridiculous jobs I've ever been on,' said Jane. 'Why did we have to do it?'

'Because we're the only ones they could get to work this close to Christmas,' Ethan said wearily.

'But I don't think that's the only reason,' said Brandt. 'O'Tool usually does jobs when everyone else is on vacation.'

'Well, there is another reason,' Ethan admitted slowly. 'I didn't want you guys to know, because it would make you feel bad. But IMF has decided to give us uh, quote unquote _easy _assignments, because they've come to the conclusion that we aren't capable of the responsibility of the ones they've given us before.'

'This was supposed to be easy?' Brandt asked unbelievingly.

'It was easy,' said Jane superiorly.

'IMF doesn't like me any more,' Benji wailed.

'That is so wrong!' protested Brandt.

'I hate IMF. I quit,' said Jane, crossing her arms.

'Everyone calm down,' yelled Ethan. 'No one is quitting, and no one is getting kicked out of IMF. We did it, didn't we? Now we can have all the assignments that pay the most: the holiday ones. We just stole O'Tool's job, but whatever.'

Ethan got blank stares.

'I don't want this job,' said Brandt.

'Aww man!' said Ethan suddenly. 'I left my light sabre umbrella at the office!'

* * *

><p><em>There you have it, ladies and gentlemen! But don't stop here. Review, then run to <strong>OneSizeFitsAll<strong>'s page and read Part 5! You need to find out what happened to the light sabre umbrella, don't you?... (though you'll have to be patient and wait until Part 9 to find out...) Stay tuned for the exciting continuation of this epic project! ;) You can find it tomorrow on OneSizeFitsAll's page under the title **Christmas Night in Arkham. **Needless to say, it's a Dark Knight fan fic. _


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